A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF: An Exploration of Self-Love

By Samantha Lambert of Jung Psych Services, Reviewed by Audrey Jung

The month of October can be filled with plenty of transitions: personal, professional, educational, and even seasonal. The changing of the seasons elicits times in which romantic relationships and friendships seem to be on display at every second. Halloween brings couples costumes, friend group costumes, and “boo- baskets”; Thanksgiving brings friendsgiving. We are constantly surrounded by people celebrating the love that they have for others, but why don’t we take more time to celebrate the love that we have for ourselves first? Afterall, without a solid foundation of love established within yourself, we cannot build substantial relationships with others. Follow along as we discuss some ways in which you can grow your relationship with yourself before the holiday season begins, and build a lasting dialogue of love within yourself.

PSA: It’s Okay to Be Alone

Sometimes when life kicks into full gear it can be hard to sit back and reflect on the importance of the self, especially when those around us are constantly surrounded by others. We are nothing without our intact mental state and body that allow us to be present in life, and it’s important to celebrate that. Affirmations, self-love/ self-care, and listening to your mental health are all part of an important recipe that combine to make a strong individual.

Self- affirmations are known to be helpful in boosting self confidence. Done daily, they serve as a consistent and reinforcing tool that counteracts negative self-talk. Examples of self-affirmations include:

  • “I am worthy”
  • “I am enough”
  • “I deserve all that comes my way”

Many people have incorporated the reciting of these affirmations into their daily routines, plastering sticky notes on their walls and mirrors. Through repeating these statements out loud, individuals encourage positive belief and positive action. When conflict comes your way, there will be more of a likelihood of having trust in yourself to overcome those obstacles due to the consistent repetition of affirmations that enforce those ideas. These daily affirmations are just one step in the right direction of self recognition and self love.

Next, adding in the very popular topic of self care. Self-care is characterized as various practices through which an individual works to promote their physical, mental, and emotional well being. Not only do incorporating these practices of self- care foster growth within the love for oneself, but it prompts overall life satisfaction as time goes on. These small tasks serve as learning opportunities for us. Self- care activities include:

  • Journaling
  • Painting
  • Continuing educational ventures
  • Making time for exercises, creativity work, or other hobbies
  • Meditation, mindfulness practices
  • Exploring characteristics of yourself/ finding out what you like
  • Massages, long baths, skincare routines

Incorporating portions of these recommended activities into ones daily, or weekly, routine can be intensely beneficial long term. We get it, it’s hard to make time for relaxation and fun activities when our schedules are already packed with professional/ educational deadlines and commitments. It may make one feel guilty or self indulgent. However, our point is that it is as necessary to make time for these activities as it is to make time for your professional commitments. It is also necessary that within these acts of affirmations and self care we dig deeper than just our body and appearance, but really focus on the strengths of our personality and how we can thrive through that. These acts of self-care can help you perform better in a professional, relational, and educational space since you will be more appreciative of the person whom you are, and the body/mind you have that led you there. You must listen to your mental health and mental state, and know when to slow down and give yourself time to relax and recoup. This leads us to our next important topic, therapy…

Therapy is a direct resource that we can use to better our mental health, and in turn better our relationship with ourselves. Therapy has many different definitions, but one that stands out is “the treatment of a disease of disorders” and “any act, hobby, task, program, etc., that relieves tension” (THERAPY Definition & Meaning, n.d.). By definition then, we can see that the purpose of therapy is to provide relief to the patients, which is exactly what self-care is designed to do as well. Going to therapy, and continuing to practice therapeutic methods in everyday life is in its own way a major act of self-care. Having an outlet to discuss troubles, anxieties, and personal adjustments is essential to the growth of us as people. Listening to your body and mind, and providing yourself with the tools to better all aspects of your person is precisely what self-care is, and precisely what therapy is.

By implementing these practices into everyday life and increasing self-love, we can then build a foundation from which all other relationships can grow off of. With a steady base and solid foundation found within ourselves, all other things can prosper.

OCTOBER: The Month of Domestic Violence Awareness

Domestic violence is defined as patterns of abusive behaviors within intrapersonal relationships where power is used by one power in the manipulation of another (Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) | Domestic Violence, 2023). This manifests physically, emotionally, sexually, economically, and psychologically (Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) | Domestic Violence, 2023). October is the month of Domestic Violence Awareness. Various events are set up in the support of ending the Domestic Violence epidemic and providing support to the survivors and their families.

But what does this have to do with the conversation we just had about self love?

In a Domestically Violent relationship, the perpetrator of abuse tends to be charming, and keeps the hurt-party in a cycle of coming back. Through loving oneself- the relationships that are built off of that foundation will have a secure sense of independence, and be able to break that cycle that the abuser creates. It is with this that the individual will be empowered to accept nothing less than what they deserve from a partner, and foster the resistance against acts of domestic violence. This foundation of secure self-worth will also allow one to be a better support system for their friends who may be experiencing these situations of domestic violence.

Learning to love yourself is not a quick, easy process. It requires work and attention to detail, but it will benefit the individual in the long run and in future relationships. They say that April showers bring May flowers, and perhaps October self-love can make your future relationships soar like a dove. A little more cliché… but perhaps still effective.

References

Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) | Domestic Violence. (2023, December 6). Department of Justice.

Retrieved October 9, 2024, from https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence

THERAPY Definition & Meaning. (n.d.). Dictionary.com. Retrieved October 9, 2024, from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/therapy

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