The bigger the family, the more there are individuals that take on a “role.” There might be “the baby in the family” or the “quiet one” or the one that takes the lead on family events and gatherings.
Many families have what some people call “the strong one.” This is the person that listens, fixes, and supports everyone else. It’s the person that takes on the burdens and challenges of others, and the “rock” that holds everyone together.
But being “the strong one” is a challenge.
You’re expected to keep it together. You’re expected to be able to handle their needs without putting your needs onto them. You’re the one that they rely on, but you don’t have someone that you can rely on.
Being the “strong one” often makes you anything but.
The Cost of Being Strong All The Time
Taking on that kind of role in your family may feel good at times – you feel like you’re able to support your family and do “your part” in making it function. But it also has many, many downsides. For example:
- Your own needs are dismissed, not just by others but also by yourself.
- You feel like you can’t be vulnerable or have needs, because you have to be the family “rock”
- You may feel resentful, or invisible, or misunderstood.
- Your other relationships may struggle, because you may find yourself prioritizing those that need you most.
- You may feel like you’re frequently burnt out without an offramp.
- You may be overworked, depending on how significant, common, or difficult the needs of those you care about may be.
You put yourself at risk for prolonged stress, anxiety, depression, and other poor coping challenges that are all related to putting the needs of others before yourself.
Being the strong one often starts in your youth, when you were put into a situation where you felt necessary to be there for your family when no one else could. But eventually, it becomes “your role” in a way that can be unfair to you. You may feel trapped, even when it’s hurting you.
How Therapy Can Help
When someone feels like they’re being tasked with being the strong one too much, it can be difficult to address it on your own. After all, the idea of you “needing help” is often a foreign one, and most people do not feel they can rely on their family to support them.
This is where a therapist can come in.
In therapy, you do not have to be the strong one. No one is relying on you. No one is in need of your help. Your therapist’s only job and only goal is to be here for you. You have:
- Space to express feelings without being judged or “fixed.”
- The ability to feel safe and cared for by someone that you don’t have to worry about.
- An opportunity to reconnect with your own needs, desires, and voice.
- The ability to balance the obligations you do have with your own mental health.
- A chance to build relationships where strength and vulnerability can co-exist.
There are situations where you do need to step up for your family. For example, if you have aging parents that others are not in a place to care for. Yet even in these situations, a therapist can help you navigate your emotions, delegate your tasks, determine what you can and cannot take on, and more.
Reach Out Today
You deserve to be cared for, no matter how much you feel like your job is to care for others.
Let me help.
My name is Audrey Jung. I’m a licensed therapist in Arizona and California, located in Chandler, AZ. Let me be there to help you with the burden of being the strong one in your family. Reach out today to get started.